Posts Tagged ‘Funny Story’

Top 3 Steps to Save America – by The Cable Guy

Sunday, September 12th, 2010

Could it be as simple as 1 – Cows  2 – Our Constitution  and  3 – The 10 Commandments  in finding a solution to the problems in America?  Lawyers, Judges and Politicians do stand in the way of placing lawful rules back in place for America.

This article is supposed to be funny.  The Cable Guy says we need to focus on solutions.  President Obama is not interested in finding illegal aliens, but they did find cattle with the Mad Cow Disease.  People in many countries suffer under evil regimes.  Since we're not using our Constitution maybe we could give them ours. 

Tue  Sept 7, 2010
Subject; Cows the Constitution and the 10 Commandments

FUNNY!  AND TRUE!  Peace and love – Tracy

Everyone concentrates on the problems we're having in Our Country lately:  Illegal immigration, hurricane recovery, alligators attacking people in Florida . . . .   
Not me — I concentrate on solutions for the problems — it's a win-win situation. 

* Dig a moat the length of the Mexican border. 
* Send the dirt to New Orleans to raise the level of the levees. 
* Put the Florida alligators in the moat along the Mexican border. 

Any other problems you would like for me to solve today? 

Think about this: 

1. Cows 
2. The Constitution 
3. The Ten Commandments   

Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the state of Washington? And, they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow.   

They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for   Iraq …why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it has worked for over 200 years, and we're not using it anymore.  

The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse is this — you cannot post 'Thou Shalt Not Steal' 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery' and 'Thou Shall Not Lie' in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians, it creates a hostile work environment.

Also, think about this … if you don't want to forward this for fear of offending someone — YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM!

Civil War – 3 Holy Men and a Bear

Sunday, September 5th, 2010

You won't see the funny in this story until you get to the end, so continue to read along.  You ought to get it.  It's funny some times how we fight over the dumbest things.

Using the same Bible these 3 men see things in a different manner.  It's not enough that they may fight with each other over Religious History or Religious Doctrine, they then agree to go out into the forest and find themselves a bear to convert.  You may lead some men to the water, but you can't force every man to be baptised.

Mon  Aug 30, 2010 
Subject; You May Lead Men to the Water, Converting a Bear is Another Story

Three Holy Men & a Bear

A Catholic Priest, a Baptist Preacher, and a  Rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan  University in Marquette. They would get together two or three times a week  for coffee and to talk shop.

One day, someone made the comment that  preaching to people isn't really all that hard – a real challenge would be  to preach to a bear. One thing led to another, and they decided to do an  experiment.

They would all go out into the woods, find a bear,  preach to it, and attempt to convert it.

Seven days later, they all  came together to discuss their experience.

Father Flannery, who had his  arm in a sling, was on crutches, and had various bandages on his body and  limbs, went first. 'Well,' he said, 'I went into the woods to find me a  bear. And when I found him, I began to read to him from the Catechism.  Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around.  So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of  God, he became as gentle as a lamb. The Bishop is coming out next week to  give him first communion and confirmation.'

Reverend Billy Bob spoke  next.. He was in a wheelchair, had one arm and both legs in casts, and  had an IV drip. In his best fire-and-brimstone oratory, he claimed, 'WELL,  brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a  bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that  bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to  wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we  came to a creek. So I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And  just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb.. We spent the rest of  the day praising Jesus..Hallelujah!

The priest and the reverend both  looked down at the Rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body  cast and traction with IVs and monitors running in and out of  him.

He was in really bad shape.

The Rabbi looked up and said:  "Looking back on it, …….circumcision may not have been the best way to  start.

Who Needs a Truck? – Funny Photo’s

Thursday, August 19th, 2010

Many people have never had a truck.  I wonder how often you and I have waited for a truck in order to perform some task.  These pictures of people, who need a truck, but they will never have a truck may amaze you.

You have seen the lady, who carries that water vase on her head, right?  Check out what these peole carry on their head.  In America we have been greatly blessed and having a truck is a part of the American Way.  These people, in the pictures, are hauling all kinds of impossible things, without the aid of a truck.  These pics will blow you away. 

Dave Cleveland 
Tue  Aug 17, 2010 
Subject; Who Needs a Truck?

Who needs a Truck?    

6 Easy Steps to Understanding Women

Monday, August 16th, 2010

One of the first things men must do in order to understand a woman is accept that we Will Never Understand Women.  Next, men and women a have different skill sets.  We must find some middle ground in order to Get Along. 

It takes time and money to secure a woman's heart, according to this New Report.  Once men have nailed down Time Enough and Money Enough then we'll find that after we Have God the Woman then we Have Found More Problems.  If anybody claims that he knows All About Women then we already know that he is lying. 

Tue  Aug 10, 2010 
Subject; Secrets to Women – Explained, It's About Time




Part II

Part III

Part IV

Part V

And Finally!
Have you ever wondered how a woman's brain works?
Well….it's finally explained here in one, easy-to-understand illustration:


Every one of those little blue balls is a thought about something
that needs to be done, a decision or a problem that needs to be solved.

A man has only 2 balls and they take up all his thoughts.


Soldiers Defend God – God Protects American Soldiers

Sunday, August 15th, 2010

In America our Freedom of Speech may have some limits.  All over America teachers and professors, freely attack God while we say nothing about it.  American men and women risk their lives every day so that we may exercise our liberty.

Why do we let Professors and Government people attack God and our faith?  In this story we see an Athiest, ACLU, College Professor dare God to Strike Him Down.  5 minutes went by, then 10 minutes and then 15 minutes and the College Professor laughed at God.  A Marine, who was in the class got up and punched this ACLU, Athiest Professor knocking him to the ground.  The American Soldier replied that God was busy protecting America's Soldiers in Afghanistan so this Marine did the job for God.

Steve Kruger 
Wed  Aug 11, 2010 
Subject; Marines Defend God – God Protects American Soldiers

If you don't know GOD, don't make stupid remarks!!!!!!

A United States Marine was taking some college courses between assignments. He had completed 20 missions in Iraq and Afghanistan . One of the courses had a professor  who was an avowed atheist, and a member of the ACLU.

One day the professor shocked the class when he came in.

He looked to the ceiling and flatly stated, "GOD, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform… I'll give you exactly 15 min."

The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop. Ten minutes went by and the professor proclaimed, "Here I am GOD, I'm still waiting."

It got down to the last couple of minutes when the Marine got out of his chair, went up to the professor, and cold-cocked him; knocking him off the platform. The professor was out cold.

The Marine went back to his seat and sat there, silently.

The other students were shocked and stunned, and sat there looking on in silence. The professor eventually came to, noticeably shaken, looked at the Marine and asked,

 "What in the world is the matter with you?  Why did you do that?"   

The Marine calmly replied, "GOD was too busy today protecting America 's soldiers who are protecting your right to say stupid stuff and act like an idiot. So He sent me."

The classroom erupted in cheers!

Top 10 Acts by Government for Total Collapse

Saturday, August 14th, 2010

In America we keep extolling the Glory of the Land of the Free and how Great our Nation is, but we continue to forget that it is Because of the Brave, because of the work that has been done in order for us to live a life with freedoms.

Barry Soetoro aka President Obama calls it " Spreading the Wealth, " but this Socialist/Fascist system that Obama is now pushing for America may brng the whole house of cards down around us.  Every blessing has a price to it.  The Founding Fathers in America called it the Laws of Nature and Nature's God that are in place, with natural consequences to hard work or inactivity.  Government can not save us, not even from ourselves. 

Wed  Aug 11, 2010 
Subject; Economic Collapse – The Ant and the Grasshopper



This one is a little different …

Two Different Versions …
Two Different Morals

The ant works
hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper
thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the ant is warm
and well fed.

The grasshopper has
no food or shelter, so he

dies out in the cold.


Be responsible for yourself!




The ant works hard
in the withering heat and the rain all summer long, building his house
and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant
is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering grasshopper
calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be
allowed to be warm and well fed while he is cold and starving.

and ABC show up to
provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper
next to a video of the ant
in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.
America is stunned by the sharp contrast.

How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper
is allowed to suffer so?

Kermit the Frog appears
on Oprah
with the grasshopper
and everybody cries when they sing, 'It's Not Easy Being Green…'

ACORN stages
a demonstration in front of the ant's
house where the news stations film the group singing, “We shall overcome.”

Then Rev. Jeremiah Wright
has the group kneel down to pray for thegrasshopper's sake.

President Obama condems the ant
and blames

President Bush, President Reagan, Christopher Columbus, and the

for the grasshopper's

Nancy Pelosi & Harry Reid
exclaim in an interview with Larry
that the ant has
gotten rich off the back of the
and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share.

Finally, the EEOC drafts
the Economic Equity &
Anti-Grasshopper Act

retroactive to the beginning of
the summer.

The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number
of green bugs and,
having  nothing left to  pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the Government GreenCzar
and given  to the grasshopper.

The story ends as we see the grasshopper
and his free-loading  friends finishing up the last bits of the ant’s food while the government house he is  in, which, as you recall, just happens to be the ant's old house,
crumbles around them because the grasshopper doesn't maintain it.

The ant has  disappeared in the snow, never to be seen again.

The grasshopper is found  dead in a drug related incident, and the house, now abandoned, is taken
 by a gang of spiders who terrorize the ramshackle, once prosperous  and peaceful, neighborhood.

The entire Nation collapses
bringing the rest

of the free world with it.


Be careful how you vote in 2010.

I’ve sent this to you because I believe that you are an ant

not a

Make sure that you pass
this on to other ants.

Don’t bother sending
it on to any grasshoppers
because they wouldn’t understand it, anyway.

Hillary Clinton – KFC Dinner – the KFC Meal

Saturday, May 8th, 2010
From: Robert 
Date: Fri, May 7, 2010 at 8:51 PM
Subject: FW: New KFC dinner


We all remember the

"Hillary Meal"

small breasts and big thighs.  



Now, KFC has announced an

addition to their chicken dinners. 


It's called the

"Obama Cabinet Bucket"

It consists of nothing but

left wingsand assholes.

Democrats – Spreading the Wealth – Wildlife Damage

Tuesday, May 4th, 2010
From: Bernice Lupo
Date: Mon, May 3, 2010 at 5:25 AM
Subject: Fw: Montana Bear Tragedy

 Montana Bear Tragedy
This is a very sad story about a bear.  Everybody should heed the warning to not feed wildlife because they become dependent and cannot forage for themselves anymore.
This is such a tragedy to see what they have done to our country's wildlife!  
The photo below captures a disturbing trend that is beginning to affect  US  wildlife . . . .
Animals that were formerly self-sufficient are now showing signs of belonging to the Democrat Party….. as they have apparently learned to just sit on their ass and wait for the government to step in and provide for their care and sustenance.
This photo is of a Democrat black bear in  Montana  nicknamed…:

Bearack Obearma.











Funny Story – Barry Soetoro – Obama – George W Bush – Queen

Tuesday, May 4th, 2010
From: Ardith 
Date: Mon, May 3, 2010 at 9:23 PM
Subject: Fwd: FW: Best joke of 2010… far !

George Bush, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell. While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for. The devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth. 

Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a check. 

Next Queen Elizabeth calls England and talks for 30 minutes. When she is finished the devil informs her that the cost is 6 million dollars,  so she writes him a check. 

Finally George Bush gets his turn and talks for 4 hours. When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is $5.00. 

When Putin hears this he goes ballistic and asks the devil why Bush got to call the USA so cheaply. 

The devil smiles and replies: "Since Obama took over, the country has gone to hell, so it's a local call."